Kingdom Hearts II: Gone Wrong!
by STaR Productions
Summary: A parody of KH2. This was Square and Disney's original idea for KH2 before they realised how insane, overuse of language and consistent plot breaking the game contained. Major OOC moments, language and wacky humour throughout.
1. The beginning

**T: Here is my newest story for you, the reader, merriment. As mentioned this is KH2 but gone horribly wrong, a parody on a popular game from my dark mind (it's not really dark, quite the opposite). Anyway here you are enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts 2 or any other film or game that is mentioned in my story, they belong to their original creators.**

* * *

In the realm of Darkness lay a beach, on the beach sat a man wearing a black trench coat with a hood covering his face, he wore a name badge saying 'Not – Xemnas!'. This person sat on a small rock which had died from the weight of the mysterious figure. He sat happily on the rock, planning all sorts of strange plans that seemed to involve a moon and a boy who wore the biggest shoes in the universe.

Then out of the blue emerged a portal of Darkness, and out of this portal emerged another hooded figure wearing the same clothes. He fell out of the portal and landed flat on his face, an arm extended from the portal yelling something.

"Don't ever let me catch you in this pub again!!" The hand went back through the portal which disappeared.

The hooded figure stood up and cursed silently at the bartender who refused to serve him a drink of Coca-Cola because he was 'Under aged'. He then walked over to the other hooded figure to start an hour's worth of complaining but was interrupted by him speaking first.

"You have arrived..." The hooded figure on the rock looked to the other hooded guy who had arrived.

"Well duh!" The other figure didn't seem to have a voice at all, but thanks to subtitles, everyone was able to make sense of what he was saying.

"I've been to see him..."

"Who?"

"You know who..."

"Actually I don't. You haven't given me a name or anything! A name would really be helpful you know."

"I can't! It will ruin the whole story!" The hooded figure on the rock knew that if he revealed his name, the whole universe would crumble and the script would burst into flames.

"Story? What the heck are you on about?" These words puzzled the other hooded figure.

"You will understand in time. But anyway, this guy I have seen..." The figure on the rock turned to the one standing.

"He looks a lot like you..."

"What you mean...no face, no nose, no ears, no mouth, no voice not even skin!! WHAT THE HELL!!"

"Sigh...you're hopeless."

"Yup! Oh yeah, what's your name?"

"You're telling me you have been with us for 358/2 days and you still don't know my freaking name!!" The person on the rock looked angry, even though you couldn't see it on his face.

"Uh, yeah..."

"ARGH! Anyway it's of no importance, its Xemnas."

"Xemnas?"

"F#CK!!" The figure known as 'Xemnas' seemed to be quite ticked off.

"You know if you were to rearrange the letters it says 'Manse-"

"You don't want to finish that sentence! And yes I know! All of Organization XIII freaking knows!" Xemnas threw his hands in the air with annoyance.

"Organization XIII?"

"Oh my god. HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU GET IN THIS ORGANIZATION!!" Xemnas was an inch away from the others face.

"Let me think...you let me join...you found me on the streets." The hooded figure gave a small voiceless chuckle.

"At least you aren't _that_ thick..." Xemnas seemed to calm down a little.

"..._thick_...what does that mean?" Xemnas's great amount of patience had faded away into nothingness.

"I...am going...to kill you now!" He called forth his lightsabre's/Aerial blades and began to beat him into a pulp.

This endured for many an hour since the unnamed hooded figure began to ran around the beach with his arms in the air and screaming at the top of his lungs. Xemnas was riding a giant dragon armed with a machine gun and was attempting to kill him; he yelled various insults about this figures existence. Then after 78 hours of chasing and murder, Xemnas sat back on his rock and was happily drinking tea that never existed. The other figure was lying on the sand trying to catch his breath; running around continuously on sand really drained him of his energy.

"Oh yes...you! Do you remember you're true name?" Xemnas turned his head to the exhausted figure.

"Oh yeah sure, it's-" Then the scene changed to a random memory.

"NO! I HAVEN'T FINISHED YET! NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

* * *

"Sora?" A girls voice echoed as the sun appeared in the sky.

The boy called Sora seemed to wake up, his eyes came into focus. He raised himself off the sand and had a look at the ocean, he yawned before resting his head down.

"I WILL FEAST ON YOUR SOUL!!" The same girl appeared wearing one of those voodoo looking masks and frightened Sora to death. She giggled at his actions as he raised himself to his knees.

"DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN KAI-" The scene cut out and changed.

It showed some random boy with silver hair running down the beach laughing like a psycho.

"COME ON SORA YOU FAILURE!" The boy was silenced as Sora shot him in the knee. It changed to Sora who was laughing his head off, but when it came back to Kairi it went all spazzy, showing a bunch of 0's and 1's.

It showed the three of them happily sitting on a tree; they seemed to be sacrificing a chicken to some strange giant statue of a chicken. It changed again to a more peaceful time they were on the tree.

"If there are any other worlds out there, I am going to DESTROY THEM!!" Riku started to laugh at his great plan. Sora went to say something but the dreaded 0's and 1's appeared again.

It changed to a cave painting of Sora and Kairi, he was offering her a paopu fruit, and both of them had crazy smiles on the painting. Then a voice appeared.

"This world has been connected." Sora turned around to see a man in a brown robe with a name tag saying 'Not Ansem!'.

"Who the heck are you!?"

"Tied to the Darkness..."

"What? That's your name?" Sora looked quite confused.

The scene changed to Kairi's legs which Sora was happily staring at.

"Sora, don't ever change. And stop staring at my legs." The scene changed again to Riku.

"There's a freaking dark portal in the sky! Watch me fly into it!" Riku flew into the dark portal leaving Sora to be consumed by the Darkness.

The scene changed...again, to a giant creature made of darkness, Sora was shivering in pure terror while the creature seemed to stroke its moustache.

"You are going to lose against Darkside loser! Oh yeah and you understand nothing..." The voice appeared again but in a more taunting tone.

It changed again to Kairi opening a random door which spewed forth a lot of Darkness from it. It sent Kairi flying into Sora, he tried to catch her but she seemed to fade away before he could.

"Nice catch...Sora..." She sounded lifeless. Sora was then blown away by the dark wind and sent flying into a random wall.

* * *

**T: There we go, I hope you liked it. Helpful reviews are appreciated but not flames, none of them, only helpful or good reviews please.**

**T: Till next time.**


	2. 1st Day Pt 1

**T: Here is the second chapter of my story. Enjoy**

* * *

Meanwhile a boy in his room had woken up; he had a bunch of strange dreams and was almost frightened at the complete insanity from them. He raised himself off his bed and rubbed his head.

"Another dream about him..." The boy had wild spiky blonde hair and wore a white and grey shirt. At his words a mysterious figure popped out of his drawers.

"HA! You dream of men! AHA, you're gay!" it appeared that Seifer was sitting in his drawers with some underpants on his head; he quickly disappeared into the drawers leaving the boy awfully confused.

"Weirdo..." He then opened the windows and had a look outside.

His view was ruined when two 'T's appeared and magical writing appeared on the screen saying 'Twilight Town'. This was indeed a mysterious event.

The boy who was called Roxas was sitting in some random place which was covered in pizza and ice cream. He was surrounded by three of his friends, two of them, both boys, were shooting each other with all sorts of weapons while using the furniture as shields, the girl was doing research in her top secret laboratory which consisted of thousands of flasks with all sorts of strange glowing liquids, a dead body and table for experimenting, she was reading book called 'How to turn two idiots into mindless killing machines!'.

Roxas on the other hand was just staring at his hands hoping for some random thing to pop out. One of the boys called Hayner had thrown a 11ft long spear into the other boy named Pence, it went right threw him and impaled him on the wall, he was still alive and perfectly well.

"Argh! Doesn't it tick you off?" Hayner looked extremely angry.

"What ticks us off?" Pence who was busy trying to un-impale himself was confused at Hayner's random outburst.

"Seifer and his mad random popping out of objects." At Hayner's words, the sofa exploded to reveal the one and only Seifer.

"HAHAHA!" He then quickly retreated back into the couch.

Everyone had a 'What the hell' look on their faces, apart from Hayner who looked like he was about to explode from his anger.

"See! He just, pops out of nowhere and quickly disappears as soon as he gets here."

"Calm down Hayner..." The girl known as Olette spoke next.

"I CAN'T!!" Hayner began to bounce off the walls with lighting speed; he made crazy noises and even began to jump up and down on top of Roxas's head.

This didn't seem to bother Roxas as he was staring at the walls, lost in his own little world. His world consisted of giant rabid raccoons and carnivorous caterpillars that made the greatest of predators look like a joke. As for Roxas, his place in his world was as the overlord of the multi-verse.

Olette noticed Roxas spacing out and had figured out the best method to wake him up, she stood in front of him waving her hand around while saying random stuff.

"Roxas! There's a chicken in your underpants!" No response from the teenager.

"Sigh, guess it's time for the old trick." She tore off all of her clothes and started to dance around the room singing some strange song.

Roxas awoke only to laugh at Olette's madness along with Hayner and Pence, Olette realised this and had materialised newer clothes which looked exactly the same and put them on to avoid further humiliation. Pence had taken a picture of this crazy moment and placed it in the 'Black mail' section of the photos.

"Right, where was I?" Hayner stoked his incredibly long non-existent beard.

"Getting to the point where we storm Seifer's house and horribly murder him in front of the whole town!" Pence had brought out a lethal looking knife which was covered in blood and old tattered skin from his past victims.

"Put that foul knife away!" Olette had brought out her radioactive gun.

"Yes miss..." Pence put the knife away.

"Okay...like Pence said we are going to horribly kill him in front of the whole tow- WHAAA!?" Hayner had only realised what he had said.

"YES! IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED!!" Pence shot off to perform the vile deed.

"Olette, please tell me you installed that trap to prevent him from escaping when he is in killer mode?" Hayner looked at Olette with a worried look.

"AAHHHHHH! DAMN YOU ALL!!" The sound of Pence exploding and Olette smiling answered that question.

Hayner gave a sigh of relief as he looked at Pence dragging himself along the floor; he turned his attention to Roxas who looked like he was in deep thought. Plus he had hardly even said a word.

"Hey Roxas! You okay?"

"Hmm? Oh yes, I was just thinking how to combine dark matter while using the equation of chicken adding YK9NZ of the book of idiots to a chicken to create a skateboard..." Roxas made some notes in his little notepad. Everyone looked worried at Roxas before continuing to plot and scheme.

2 hours later they had decided to find proof that Seifer had framed them for the sacrificing of a random cat, they would look around the town and ask people if they had seen him. When they found him they were to perform, as Pence called it, 'The art of skinning flesh from a random person'.

"Excellent, everything is ready...Pence, the proof please." Pence went to retrieve the 'proof'.

"GASP!! THEY'RE GONE!! ALL OF OUR -- ARE GONE!" Pence realised he couldn't say --.

"WHAT! ALL OF THE -- GONE!? NO! MY VAST AMOUNT OF PORNOGRAPHY!!" Hayner then chucked himself off a random cliff and landed next to Roxas on the sofa.

"What the? Why can't we say -- now?" Olette having an IQ of 790083 couldn't understand why the word -- couldn't be said.

"What sort of thief steals -- and the word at the same time?" Pence questioned to everyone.

"SEIFER!!" Hayner and everyone instantly dashed out of the building leaving a 'Zip' shaped cloud behind.

Roxas had finally gotten up and was about to 'Zip' off when he suddenly fell on the ground and blacked out.

"His heart is returning...Doubtless he'll awaken very soon..." A mysterious voice spoke.

"That doesn't make sense DiZ..." Another voice spoke.

"SILENCE RIKU!!"

"YOU JUST REVEALED OUR NAME'S FOOL!!"

"DAMN IT!!"

Roxas woke up again to see no signs of the strange voices who spoke. He looked extremely confused, until Olette walked in.

"Roxas, with haste!" She and Roxas sped off toward their next destination.

* * *

They arrived at Market Street which was busy as usual, there was absolutely no one on the streets, it would seem that the people were hiding in their houses. Once Roxas and his gang arrived at Market Street they walked up to the Armour Shop to see if the owner might know anything.

"Hello Roxas." The armour shop owner looked a little ticked off.

"Hi whoever you are." Roxas never knew the name of the shop owner.

"Something I can help you with?" He was busy polishing a knights armour which had a name tag on it as well, it read 'This is the armour of Terra, if found not on body please return'.

"Uh yeah have you seen Seifer and his gang anywhere?"

"Oh you mean Twilight Town's self proclaimed 'Idiot group', yeah, but I am not telling you."

"Why?"

"Because I don't exist...I am a figment of your imagination..." He then quickly legged it into a car and drove straight into the wall.

"Well he was useful. Now what?" Pence asked.

"Quick, to the H.O.P.A.R mobile!" They quickly hopped into their ridiculously oversized monster truck and drove right through the accessory shop.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SHOP!?" The owner of the shop was a blonde girl who looked rather pissed off at the giant monster truck parked in her shop.

"WE HAVE AUTHORITY TO PARK HERE CIVILIAN! NOW TELL US WHERE THAT TWONK SEIFER IS!?" Hayner jumped out right in front of her.

"Or what?"

"We peel your skin off and apply freshly squeezed lemon juice on the wounds." Pence looked extremely freaky now, he held his lethal looking knife with a sadistic grin.

"Ask the candy shop woman! She knows **ALL**!!" She pointed to the shop across the street.

"Fine then, back into the H.O.P.A.R mobile!" They flew back into their monster truck and ran over the shopkeeper.

They smashed through the rest of the accessory shop and stopped an inch from the candy shop, the old woman looked at the gigamongous truck parked outside her shop. Her cat fell flat on its back and didn't move. Roxas and the rest jumped out of the truck and grinded down the truck and landed flat on their butts.

"...can I help you kids?" The old woman had never seen anything like it before.

"Yes a F#CK load of candy and information!" Pence went straight up to the woman's throat with his knife.

"W-what information?"

"Tell us where Twilight Town's twonk of the year is?" Roxas said trying to remove Pence from the woman.

"Seifer? He's in the sandlot." The old woman replied pointing in the direction of the Sandlot.

"Excellent, come my friends!" Everyone hoped into the monster truck and sped off toward the Sandlot, they wrecked every single building in their way.

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**T: Hope it was good, till next time.  
**


	3. 1st Day Pt 2

**T: Here's the third chapter of this parody, I hope you are enjoying this. **

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The 'idiot group' as they were well known throughout of all Twilight Town were as their name suggested. They were complete imbeciles who couldn't even add 1+0, but as a result of their stupidity they were given amazing powers, each unique.

Rai, the second most thickest of the group. He was given the amazing power to annoy his enemies to death by saying 'ya know' on the end of every single sentence, even a basic hello was lengthened because of this. The symbol of stupidity was burned onto his back, where no one could see it unless he had his top off which was once every pink moon.

Fuu, the third most stupidest of the group. She was blessed by the gods of stupidity with the amazing speech ability; she could only say one word otherwise her brain would most likely explode. Over the years she has perfected to say more than two words, but this would greatly reduce her thinking capability.

Vivi, the only one in the group who wasn't stupid, he just pretended to be. He is a government spy sent into the 'Idiot group' to bring it down from the inside; he was blessed with the power to use the lethal Black Magic spells. His most destructive spell was Doomsday, anyone would know when he was angry by the fact a giant meteor would appear in the sky and wipe out everything.

And last of all, the most stupidest of the group, the chosen leader of the 'Idiot group' was the dreaded Seifer! He was chosen as the idiotic saviour by the gods of stupidity to rally all stupid people and lead them to a stupider future. He was given the rarest power to use, teleportation. His teleport allowed him to appear from any object anywhere.

At the moment, only Rai, Fuu and Vivi were there talking to each other. Vivi was learning everything these people did, he had learned much and if he wasn't equipped with an anti-stupid barrier, he would most likely be one of them. What none of them knew was that a giant monster truck was hurtling toward them; it had smashed down a good few houses on the way to get them.

The truck flew over them and landed perfectly on the ground, Roxas and the others wasted no time in rushing out to confront the dreaded 'Idiot group'.

"Thieves!" Fuu spoke while pointing toward the foursome.

"That was random ya know!" Rai happily spoke.

"Stop saying that cursed word!" Hayner pulled out an AK-47 and pointed at Rai's crotch.

"He can't..." Seifer appeared out of a random trash can covered in filth.

"He is destined to say that word forever and ever." Seifer walked out of the trash can and stood by his fellow idiots.

"Oh yeah?" Hayner pointed the gun at Seifer.

"That won't work. Anyway give us back the -- now." Seifer spoke stretching forth his muscles.

"YEAH! You're the _only _ones who would take it, ya know!"

"Ever thought it could have been someone else?" Olette spoke.

"Ehehehehehe!" Everyone turned around to see Vivi chuckling to himself.

"What's up with him?" Pence looked rather worried for Vivi.

"He does it all the time now." Seifer patted the poor boy on the head.

"YES."

"Besides, we don't need some stupid -- to prove that your losers." Seifer spoke.

"Coming from the town's twonk."

"SILENCE ROXAS! NOW WE FIGHT!" Seifer threw all sorts of weapons on the ground.

Roxas's eardrums were overwhelmed with yelling, everyone was saying 'use this one' while pointing to their selected choice of weapon. Vivi was pointing at the mini-gun he stealthily threw at Roxas, he appeared to be yelling 'Kill him and end this madness'.

Roxas looked at all the weapons and finally decided.

"I'm gonna use these." He pulled out Oathkeeper and Oblivion and began to own Seifer quite horribly.

A few minutes later and the sandlot was wrecked, everywhere had signs of battle. A body stained the ground, it was Seifer, he just couldn't keep up with Roxas's amazing battle skills. Roxas stood over the body and gave off a victory cry. Hayner, Olette and Pence all celebrated this glorious event. Pence decided to take a picture of this event but the second he took it a white 'thing' stole and ran off into the distance.

"HAHA! THE PHOTO IS MINE!!" Everyone stared at the fleeing creature, even Seifer who was supposedly dead.

"What was that?" Hayner asked looking confused.

"THE THIEF! AFTER HIM!" They all hoped into the H.O.P.A.R mobile and ran over the remaining members of the 'Idiot group' par Vivi who had disappeared.

* * *

Roxas had jumped out of the monster truck and was pursuing the 'thief on foot. It had led him to a forest where it just started to dance in the air while fleeing toward a mansion in the distance.

Roxas had managed to find the thief and was about to start interrogating when he heard a voice.

"We have come for you my liege..." The voice seemed to come from the creature that was standing at the gate to the mansion.

"What?"

"I said we have come for you my liege."

"What the heck?" Roxas couldn't believe this thing could speak.

"Well I can, now prepare to die!!" The zipper on the creature's head zipped back to reveal a mouth, by the looks of it.

Roxas pulled out his Keyblade's and threw it at the creature. It happily exploded making an enormous mushroom cloud.

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!" Was its last words.

As the mushroom cloud dispersed, Roxas stood there perfectly fine, in fact he even did a little victory dance before picking up the photos.

* * *

Back at the usual spot, everyone was huddled round each other, they were looking at all the photos that they managed to recover. They were at the moment just staring at them.

"What's this?" Hayner asked.

"It's called a photo Hayner." Olette happily pointed out.

"I know but what the hell, Roxas. You're standing next to a Tsunami!" The photo revealed Roxas just standing in front of a 100ft Tsunami.

"I thought I was all mighty and powerful and could stop it." Roxas shivered as he recalled what really happened.

"What's the next one?" They changed it to see Pence standing over the Struggle tournament holder, the man lacked his skin as it was being worn by Pence.

"...no comments..." They quickly changed to see Roxas's great victory over Seifer who was dead on the ground.

"YAY!" They changed again to see all four of them being abducted by an alien.

"Hey, isn't strange how all the pictures are of Roxas?" Pence said.

"Um, Pence, only a few are of Roxas. The rest are all of us making fools of ourselves, take Olette for example." Hayner revealed the picture of Olette dancing around naked.

"Heh, guess I was wrong, but wouldn't it be weird if the thief wanted to steal Roxas."

"Get serious, who would want to steal an idiot like Roxas?"

"HOW DARE YOU!!" Roxas pulled his Keyblade's and taught Hayner a lesson in pain.

After that they all went home for the day, while Roxas was walking out the sun decided to be evil and concentrate its rays into Roxas's eyes.

"AAAAHHHH!! MY EYES!! DAMN YOU SUN!!" Roxas covered his eyes with one hand while the other shook at the Sun.

"MUAHAHAHAHHAAA! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!" The sun replied in a deep dark voice. Then the screen went dark and Roxas heard a voice.

"Where the heck am I now?" The voice sounded confused.

"WHO'S THERE!?"

"WHO THE F#CK ARE YOU!?"

"I ASKED FIRST!!"

"LIES!!" This went on and on for several hours before the screen changed to a fizzled version, it would appear someone was trying to get the TV to work.

* * *

"Restoration at 12 percent." A robotic woman's voice spoke.

The scene had changed to a computer room; the room itself was small and gloomy, covered in monitors and computers. A hooded figure like before walked up to the person currently sitting in the chair. The man in the chair wore red bandages around his head and had funny looking robes around him.

"Organization buggers...they've found us." He sounded quite surprised.

"Well it didn't help that you were on MSN talking to them saying 'Oh yes we have Roxas and we're going to get him to fuse with Sora and kick your asses LOL!' to them." The hooded figure looked rather annoyed at his team mate.

"I told you already, I was drunk that night." -

"...You got drunk from eating ice cream?" The hooded figure had raised an eyebrow.

"Do you have any idea what they put in Sea-salt ice cream?" The bandaged man turned around to look at the hooded one.

"Um, let me guess...salt from the sea thus its name?" The hooded figure sounded a bit annoyed.

"No! They actually use 19.5 pints of beer, 67 squirrels, 400 cans of Fanta Orange and a Moogle's pom-pom." He looked back at his machines.

"What...the...heck? And people eat that stuff?"

"It contains Nicotine..."

"Ohhh."

"Anything else you want to ask? I was owning the computer at virtual ping pong."

"Um, yes actually. Why did the Nobodies steal the photographs?" The hooded figure couldn't understand the point of stealing photos.

"Most likely for the pornography. The fools can't feel pleasure so they look for other sorts of ways to get an idea of what it's like." The bandaged man replied with a smug look.

"That...is gross!"

"That's the way Nobodies do things." He had a look at some of the data that appeared on the monitor.

"We are running out of time!" He looked at a small clock he kept in his underpants. He activated a speaker to the lower part of the place they were in.

"Namine you horny girl! WORK FASTER!! WE ARE RUNNING OOT OF TIME!!" He yelled into the microphone.

"Do you want to piece together memories!? It isn't easy!!" The girl named Namine yelled back extremely loud.

"Fine just hurry!" He returned to playing Ping pong, he giggled like a little child.

"...'OOT'?" The hooded figure couldn't understand what the word meant.

* * *

**T: There you go, hope you got a laugh out of this. If you think it can be better please say so, otherwise just saying you liked it will make me very happy. That means chapter come faster.**

**T: Till next time.**


	4. 2nd Day

**T: Lo and behold chapter 4, oh yeah. A big thanks to all who reviewed, greatly appreciate the feedback and I am glad you are enjoying it.**

* * *

Another random set of dreams appeared, it was of Sora again, he was in an alley. A dog approached him and licked his face hoping to get him up. Sora woke up, grabbed the dog and devoured him in one bite before looking around to see where he was.

"Where am I?" the scene changed to him running around like a looney.

"What happened to my home? My island? KAIRI!! Wait, I said her name, DAMN!!"

BBBBZZZZTTT

A random Heartless was doing the jig.

BBBBZZZTTT

Sora turned around quickly.

"Who the F#ck are you?"

"I am the ginger bread man!" A man appeared around the corner.

A bunch of 0's and 1's, Donald and Goofy exploded and landed on Sora. They all looked stunned for a brief second before everyone was fine again and Goofy spoke.

"GIVE US THAT DAMN KEYBLADE!!" He and Donald tried to wrench the Keyblade out of Sora's hands; the three began a climactic battle with music as well.

BBBBZZZTTTT

Leon was busy drinking some alcoholic drink; Yuffie was just staring into the abyss slipping slowly into madness.

"Sora, go with them. Especially if you want to find your friends alive!" He chuckled before disappearing in a smoke cloud.

"Donald Duck!" Donald went from killing to being peaceful.

"Name's Emperor Goofy, WORSHIP ME!!"

"I am Sora the great!" They placed their hands together.

BBBZZZTT

"The Heartless have great fear of the Keyblade."

"That's right, the crapblade!" Aerith appeared out of nowhere, looking drunk as a skunk.

BBBZZZTTT

It showed a scene with Sora going awol and firing the Keyblade at random objects.

"The boy is a problem. His shoes can crush planets! We're all going to die!!" The mad dream had finally ended.

* * *

Roxas jumped out of the mad dream before it could claim his soul, he looked at his hands.

"A Key...blade?" He then made crushing motions with his hand again and again.

Then some random words appeared saying 'The 2nd day' this would be a dreadful day indeed. After he got out of his house, he made his way to the usual spot where the others would most likely be. He couldn't stop thinking about this 'Keyblade'. He also said it out loud several times on the way there.

"A Keyblade..." He looked to his left to see a stick. He picked it up and performed all sorts of mint moves.

What he didn't realise was that in the shadow's lurked the same hooded figure from before, he held a walkie-talkie in his hand.

"DiZ come in, this Riku..."

"Go ahead."

"I've found him; he's just practicing with a stick.

"HA! The Nobody of Sora practicing with a stick!?"

"Yes, and you know you have spoiled the majority of the story you know."

"Isn't that the entire point of this parody?" At this Riku raised his eyebrows.

Roxas had levelled an entire building to the ground during his immense training with the stick; he had gotten bored with it and threw it away. Riku had no time to act as the stick steadily made its way forwards.

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Riku yelled in slow motion.

The stick landed right in Riku's chest, he could feel his blood escaping from the wound, he saw his life flash before his eyes. All the events that lead up to this moment. He dropped dead on the floor, making dying noises while Roxas had only just noticed him.

"Oh, sorry mister." He quickly ran for it before the police would get there.

"RIKU! RESPOND! RIKU!! RRRRRRIIIIKKKKKKKKKUUUUUUUU!!" DiZ yelled into the walkie-talkie.

In the usual spot everyone was hunting for Sea-salt ice cream, it would appear as if the entire place had enlarged itself, turning into a giant field. The remaining ice creams were running for their lives while Hayner was driving the H.O.P.A.R mobile, Pence was using a mini-gun to gun down the fleeing ice creams while Olette had picked them up and stored them in the freezer. Roxas stood at the doorway with his mouth wide agape; he never saw anything like this before.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" At Roxas's words, Hayner, Pence and Olette froze and looked at Roxas.

"Re-stocking our supply of ice cream. It's getting harder to find the stuff." Olette replied holding 46 ice creams in a net.

"R-right..." Roxas raised an eyebrow at his friend's strange behaviour.

In five minutes tops they had devoured **every single** ice cream they had captured and all of them had acquired brain freeze. They lay on the ground with their hands on their heads, hoping to quell the vast pain from the ice cream. It took 2 hours and 33 minutes exactly for them to recover. When they had recovered from brain freeze they began their mad plotting as usual.

"So, what should we do?" Hayner asked looking at his friends.

"We could go pollute the entire town's water supply so that all who drink from it will turn into mindless slaves and the UNIVERSE WILL BE OURS!!" Pence began to laugh at his own evil plan.

"...Or we can go to the beach and relax." Olette suggested.

"NO! MUST POLLUTE WATER!!" Pence held two barrels of toxic substance.

"Voting time. Those in favour of polluting the water supply?" Pence raised his hand.

"And those in favour of beach?" Hayner, Olette and Roxas raised their hands.

"Hmph! Fine we'll go to the beach. AS LONG AS I GET TO POLLUTE IT!!"

"Fine, whatever floats your boat Pence." Hayner was really considering hiring a psychiatrist for Pence.

"Um, Hayner?"

"Yeah Roxas?"

"Encase you forgot but...we haven't got any money."

"WHAT!?" Hayner had one of those priceless looks on his face.

Everyone showed the inside of their pockets to reveal nothing but dust, a penny and a shoe oddly enough. Hayner looked like it was the end of the world.

"No...the beach...my...my...no money?" He collapsed on his knees and died.

"Okay...when does one die all of a sudden?" Olette looked confused at Hayner's body.

"He's not dead. He just wants us to get money for him!" Pence got a razor sharp sword and stabbed Hayner in the privates.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Hayner screamed for five hours before recovering from being crotch stabbed.

"Right now, here's the plan. Roxas, you get **ALL **of the money while me, Olette and Pence just wander around doing nothing." Hayner replied with a smirk before he and the others fled, leaving a very angry Roxas.

"I hate him..."

* * *

After an hour's worth of working he finally obtained enough money to take him and his 'friends' to the beach. He held the giant bag of money on top of his head, balancing it perfectly up the hill to the train station.

Hayner and the others couldn't believe their eyes as they saw Roxas walking up the hill with a bag of money the size of Mt. Everest. When Roxas got to the top he placed the bag down on the ground next to him, he then struck a cocky pose as he grinned at his achievement.

"Well?" Roxas asked.

"How much...money is in that bag?" Hayner had never seen a bag of money that big.

"Oh only a pathetic 999,999,999,999,991 munny. I could have made more but it would have taken longer."

"Who the heck paid you that amount of money?" Pence wanted to know who was dishing this out.

"Some random dog looking person, he was kind of big." Roxas pointed to the strange dog humanoid.

"AT LAST MALEFICENT SHALL BE REVIVED!!" He then jumped into the air and flew off.

The gang looked at this strange moment with worried faces; they then brushed it off and were getting ready to go to the beach. There was only thing that none of them had noticed though, Riku was standing against the wall wearing a cardboard box over his head only.

"DiZ?"

"What is it Riku?"

"They have a f#ck load of money to head off to the beach."

"STOP THEM NOW!! THEY MUST NOT HAVE FUN!!" Riku ended the communications and began to sneak up on the teenagers.

When they weren't looking, he ran towards the bag, picked it up and leapt over the edge of the balcony and landed in a randomly placed hay cart. It was several minutes before Roxas and the others noticed the huge bag of money missing, when they did they began to kill each other, blaming the other for losing it.

After their feud, they randomly teleported to the clock tower and began to throw singing frogs at random passer by's. Everyone was enjoying this fun event except for Roxas, something was bugging him, other than the frog's choice of song.

"My gigantic crotch makes yours look like crap!!" It sang in a very annoying tone, the kind of tone you would want to punch someone in the face for.

"Roxas, quickly throw that monster away!" Olette could see the frog going for the finale.

Roxas dropped the frog before muttering something he thought he heard before the money disappeared.

"This money's going to be used for the Dark Chicken gods...what did that voice mean?" Roxas's frog on the other was feasting upon Seifer who had decided to show up at the worst time possible.

* * *

Back in the random computer room of weirdness, our good old idiots DiZ and Riku were laughing about how easy it was to steal a _huge _bag of money without being spotted. Until the computer spoke revealing the progress of Sora's memories.

"Restoration at 28."

"NAMINE!! FASTER!!" DiZ yelled into his microphone he used to yell randomly at the poor girl.

Riku on the other hand was happily throwing the giant bag of money up and down without any struggle at all.

"Is it really that hard to make a beach?" He was shocked at why DiZ couldn't make a simple beach.

"Do you know what happened the last time I tried to make a beach?"

"No not really, what?"

"I ended up creating Vivi." Riku stopped throwing his bag up and down.

"WHAT!?"

"I know, strange isn't it?"

"But how the hell did you make him? He's already there!!"

"There are two of them in that town, one the government spy, the other a pimp." DiZ chuckled at what the other Vivi specialised at.

"...you're weird."

"I know."

"So...what do we do with this?" Riku held the bag in his hand with ease.

"We buy vast amounts of porn and ice cream! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" DiZ began to press random buttons on the keyboard.

"What are you doing?"

"Signing up for the best pornsite in the world!" Riku walked over to see the name of the site.

"What sort of person has a website called, 'This is porn, oh '. Not normal..."

"When **IS **anything normal?" DiZ looked at Riku.

"True..." DiZ continued to type madly on the keyboard, Riku on the other hand just collapsed at the stupid name DiZ had called himself on the website.

* * *

**T: there we are, chapter 4. Hope you got a laugh out of this. Till next time.  
**


	5. 3rd Day

**T: Hello everyone! I have returned, been a while hasn't it. Sorry for the delay, but I was busy with college work and other such things, but now I am on my Summer holiday (YAY!) so I should be updating this story more often. As an apology for the wait (unless you just found the story, then anyway thanks for reading) I have made this chapter quite lengthy so make yourselves comfortable. Anway enough of my mad rambling, enjoy the story**

* * *

Once again the dreaded dreams appeared, this time in an underwater cavern, the only thing that could be heard other than the calm music playing for the dream sequences was a man's voice.

"As the key bearer, you must already know...YOU MUST DIE FOR TRESSPASSING ON OUR WORLD!!" Sora looked shocked as King Triton pulled out a machine gun and began to kill him, Donald and Goofy.

BBBZZZTTT

A mermaid was swimming up the same cave which looked perfectly fine considering the king had gone on a shooting spree.

"So many places I want see. I know I'll get there someday..." The mermaid looked at the opening in her cave but failed to notice the 65 ton anchor plummeting toward her head.

Sora and the others cringed at the mangled body and quickly fled from the sharks that came, they smelled the blood of Ariel and began to feast on the remains.

BBBZZZTTT

Sora, Donald and Goofy stood before a strange looking creature aka Phil and one of the many men in the universe who was so muscular his clothes would burst from breathing.

"Thus, I hereby dub thee junior moronic Moogle's who must be executed on sight!!" Phil spoke reading a piece of paper in his hand.

"...HEY WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'Shoot on sight!?'" Donald yelled at Phil.

"AHAAA!!" Hades appeared out of nowhere and began to dance randomly around the room saying how great he was.

"You rookies still don't understand what it takes to be a TRUE MORONIC MOOGLE!!" Phil said looking high and mighty.

BBZZZTT

The scene changed to a rundown house, if you could call it that, where good old Aladdin sat drinking a thousand beer bottles at the same time.

"Gurgle, I wish, for Genie's eternal imprisonment!!" Everyone was shocked at this.

"AL!? YOU LITTLE BAST-" Genie was trapped inside the lamp forever more.

BBBZZZTT

Now it the scene was in Halloween town where Jack was stabbing poor sally with a blunted rusty spoon.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STOP ME!!" He slashed her several times.

"But Jack...it was for the better...you're plans for Halloween...would have sucked!" Jack shot her in the head with a bullet from the spoon.

"THEN YOU WILL DIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" He went for the killing blow.

BBBZZZZTTT

Sora span the Keyblade around and plunged it into the 'ground'.

"POW- OWWWWWWWWWW!! MY FOOT! MY BEAUTIFUL FOOT!!" Sora had stabbed his own foot with the Keyblade, what an idiot.

"You're a damn fool!" Mushu appeared and started to vomit on Sora for no good reason other than for the hell of it.

BBBZZZTTT

"...Or are you to 'cool' to play them now that you have a giant key?" The diabolical Riku stood, revealing his muscular chest.

"Riku!? What the heck are you talking about? You just randomly blurted that out!!"

"SILENCE SORA!" Riku yelled before devouring Pinocchio.

BBBZZZTTT

"Did you find her?" Sora asked with hope on his face.

"Find who?"

"You know...HER!?"

"NO! WHO THE F# IS HER!? A NAME WOULD HELP!!" Sora and Riku went into an hours worth of yelling while Donald and Goofy got killed by a Behemoth Heartless.

BBZZZZTTT

"I still...can't believe it..." Sora looked into the sky.

"I killed KAIRI!! F#CK I SAID HER NAME AGAIN! A PARODOX!!"

BOOOOMMMMM!

BBZZZTTT

"I'm searching too..." Sora said to one of the combatants entering the tournament.

"For what? Your light? Your family? Your friends? Lost love? Freedom? Truth? A meaning to your existence!? BE MORE SPECIFIC!!" Cloud yelled at Sora before impaling him on his sword.

BBBZZZTTT

"Sora, where're you going?" Piglet asked Sora.

"I'm gonna go look for my friends." At this Winnie the Pooh and his friends pulled out weapons, Eeyore developed railguns.

"No you aren't Sora...you are going to stay with us! NO ONE LEAVES THE 100 CRATER WOOD!!" At Pooh's words, the entire forest turned into a battlefield and Pooh and the others revealed their true selves.

Winnie the Dark had been unleashed.

BBBZZZTT

"Where are Donald and Goofy?" Sora asked his best friend in the world, Riku.

"I killed them...but shouldn't you be worried about her?" Riku moved his giant leg out of the way to reveal a bunch of 0's and 1's.

BBBZZzttt

Sora had now had enough of this crazy world and shot a beam of light into the worlds Keyhole, which was located on Big Ben in London, the Britain's stared at this with amused looks.

"Hey Victor." Asked a British woman.

"Mm-yes Susan?" Replied the British man.

"Is that Keyblade wielder?"

"Mm-yes, they are quite common this time of year."

Then the dream ended...

* * *

In a certain computer room, DiZ sat in his usual seat observing Sora's progress 24/7. He stared intently at the monitor, hoping something would say 'Memories at 100 percent complete'.

Meanwhile in the basement there was a girl of 15, she was about 5ft something and had blonde hair and wore a white dress. She was looking at the giant pod in front of her, she happily ignored DiZ's continuous insults and demands for ice cream.

The camera then zoomed in on her butt, staring intently before everything went dark and only the girl stood there with a bright aura around her. Roxas stared intently at her, certain thoughts raced through his mind before speaking.

"Who are you?" At his voice the girl turned around. She smiled before turning into a monster.

"COME PLAY WITH ME MY CHILD!!" She said before diving at Roxas with a bloodthirsty expression.

* * *

Roxas jumped out of his bed sweating heavily, she was like a Succubus. What Roxas didn't realise was that Naminé was in his room, she just looked at him, staring into the back of his head.

Roxas could sense the presence of a girl and instantly pounced in the direction, unfortunately for him, Namine teleported away using her amazing Nobody powers before Roxas could grab her, he landed flat on his face.

"Damn it! She got away!!" He cursed his unluckiness before the dreaded words appeared again saying 'The 3rd day' appeared.

Once he had gotten changed in his usual clothing, he proceeded to the dark lair known as the Usual Spot. When he got there he noticed signs of battle, minions of stupidity lay on the ground covered in blood, Roxas figured out that Seifer had tried to attack them again.

He noticed one of the bodies had a note attached, he picked it up and read the contents in his head.

_DUDE_

_We almost got slaughtered by these monsters! Luckily we survived and instead of going to get revenge on Seifer, we decided to go swimming at the beach!! Meet up with us later, and don't worry about the money, we have found someone who is...'Willing' to pay the fee._

_Later, Hayner_

Roxas knew that when they said, 'Willing' he meant that Pence had some fun torturing the poor soul. He then walked outside avoiding secret agent Vivi's sniper fire and several puppies.

He got to Market street before hearing what sounded like a tank approach, Roxas shrugged it off as him hearing things. He quickly regretted that when he saw a tank driving up the street, on the side was Olette and Pence's faces indicating that this was their tank. They stopped exactly a metre from Roxas before speaking.

"ROXAS!" Pence yelled as he appeared out of the tank.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Roxas said staring at the 4ft cannon.

"You aren't going anywhere! This is where your journey ends, today...you...DIE!!" Pence yelled before the tank fired a shot at Roxas.

Roxas could only stare as the anti-Roxas shell headed straight towards him at an incredible speed of 0.01 metres an hour.

"Oh sh#t!" Roxas moved his arms in front of him hoping to shield himself from the shell

Then by some miracle time stopped, Roxas slowly lowered his arms, he looked around before his mouth dropped and his eyes went large cartoon style. In front of him stood a girl his age, she had blonde hair, blue eyes and wore a white dress, she was smiling at him.

"Hello, Roxas." She still held the smile.

"YOU'RE FREAKING HOT!!" Roxas couldn't take his eyes off of her chest.

"...Anyway, I wanted to meet you, at least once."

"SWEET!! DOES THIS MEAN YOU AND I ARE GONNA DO IT THEN!?" Roxas asked.

Naminé wasn't impressed and just walked off, soon after she left time unfroze and the shell hit Roxas square in the face. But thankfully before time unfroze, Roxas moved the tank in the position where he would have been hit.

BOOOMMM!

And thus was the end for Olette and Pence, Roxas laughed at their smoking ruins before running after the blonde haired beauty, as he nicknamed her.

* * *

He ran into the forest following the signs that she passed by, even though there weren't any he still managed to follow her. He looked around to see no signs, before running further into the forest his shadow seemed to act up and created portal.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!! A FREAKING PORTAL!!" This had terrified poor Roxas who fell on his butt as a result.

Then out of the portal emerged three white creatures, one tried to grab Roxas and take him into the portal but he managed to shake them off and leg it into the distance in a very suitable manner.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Yes very suitable.

Meanwhile in the Sandlot, Seifer and his fellow idiots were discussing some very important plans.

"Right so when the terrorists come out of the building, Fuu snipes and me and Rai will go in and deal with the rest." It turns out there was more to the idiot group than meets the eye.

Vivi who was hiding behind the score board in the sandlot was shocked at this discovery. It would appear as if they were completely idiotic and thought they were some mint special forces unit, he found out that these supposed terrorists were only fish in a fish bowl. His mouth was wide agape, so wide that it hit the floor.

Then Roxas ran in the sandlot flailing his arms around yelling how everyone was going to die, Seifer and the others quickly put their normal clothes on and did what they did best.

"DUH! What's up Roxas?" Seifer said before the white creatures appeared stylishly and hissed at them.

"WHAT!?" Fuu said with all her willpower.

"AHHH!! ALIENS, SHOOT THEM!!" Seifer and the rest of the idiot group, except Vivi, pulled out toy guns and began to make shooting noises.

Roxas and Vivi stared at them before the white creatures began to attack and devour the idiot group. Roxas tried to swat them away with Vivi but it was no good, Vivi was too short.

"ROXAS! USE THE KEYBLADE OF MINTNESS!!" Roxas stopped swatting the creatures and looked at the owner of the voice.

Naminé stood on a balcony that was impossible to reach since there was no stairs or doors leading there. Roxas stared wide eyed at her before seeing the creatures pounce him, he screamed extremely loud before being saved by a flash of light.

* * *

After several minutes of making dying imitations and noises, he noticed he was standing on a platform. On it was Sora who was armed with a Keyblade with his friends in smaller circles making crazy expressions. He noticed three weapons appear, a shield, a staff and a sword, before he dived for them, he heard a voice in his head.

'_Choose ONE of these amazing weapons and you will be endowed with their powers._'

"Can't I choose all of them? Or maybe just two of them?"

'_NO! NEVER!! ONE AND ONLY ONE!!_'

Roxas then thought of a genius plan to fool the voice.

"HEY LOOK OVER THERE!!" Roxas pointed randomly in a direction.

'_GASP! WHERE!!_'

When the voice wasn't looking, Roxas leapt at the weapons and grabbed them all. The voice looked back and gasped at Roxas, if it had a face, it would be extremely pissed off.

'_You dastard! HOW DARE YOU BREAK THE ANCIENT TRADITION!! ATTACK MY MINIONS!!_' At the disembodied voices...voice, a swarm of white creatures attacked with Roxas who quickly dispatched them with Oblivion and Oathkeeper.

"HA! YOU SUCK!!" Roxas pointed to the sky.

'_Hmph! If you think you're so 'kick ass' then...'_

During the pause a door magically appeared before Roxas, he stared at it as if he had never seen a door before.

'_Then proceed forward...and meet your death!_'

Roxas foolishly obeyed and opened the door, on the other side of the door was over a million white creatures. Roxas went to flee but the door shut on him and he began to panic as the creatures dove towards him, this didn't look good for Roxas.

7 hours later...

Roxas was breathing heavily; he had finally defeated all the cursed creatures and stood victorious. What he somehow didn't see or hear was a giant white creature sneaking up behind him, Roxas felt like something was behind but couldn't figure it out.

That was until a giant fist slammed into him and threw him into the sky, Roxas screamed at the top of his lungs as he landed right on his neck, luckily due to the nature of Kingdom Hearts' lack of fall damage, Roxas survived but lacked a large amount of his health.

"HAHAHAA! I AM, THE GREAT MIGHTY TWILIGHT THORN!!" The giant creature spoke in a sing-song tone.

"I AM SIMPLY THE BEST! AND NOW I SHALL CRUSH YOU, YOU LITTLE SMURF!" Twilight Thorn raised its foot to stomp Roxas but luckily Roxas dodged it.

"YOU WILL NOT BE LEAVING THIS REALM ALIVE!! FOR I SHALL SLAY YOU WITH ALL MY MIGHT!!" Twilight Thorn began to throw numerous punches and kicks at Roxas.

"FOOL! FEEL MY SUPREME POWER!!" Twilight Thorn sang before falling off the edge.

Roxas looked around wondering how he managed to lose sight of 20ft tall monster. All was solved when the platform shook and Roxas began to slip off the platform, he quickly stabbed Oblivion into the wall to avoid falling to his death.

"HAHAHAAA!! NOW I SHALL SMITE YOU WITH MY GIANT ENERGY BALL OF DEATH!!" Twilight Thorn threw the 50 metre wide energy ball at Roxas.

Thing's didn't look good for Roxas as the energy ball slowly made its way to him, he then saw a strange triangle appear on the meteor like attack. He got a strange urge to throw the Keyblade at it and did so, it resulted in the ball of energy to go super nuclear and destroyed everything, including singing wonder aka Twilight Thorn.

* * *

Everything was dark to Roxas, no light, no sound, nothing at all, just the vast darkness. He thought he was dead, that was until he felt his hand being held and everything went super bright.

"AHHH! MY EYES!!" Roxas began to roll on the floor in pain until he heard someone giggling.

"It's not that bad Roxas!" Roxas looked to see a familiar blonde haired girl sitting in a pure white room.

"GASP!! YOU!!" Roxas's eyes went into the shape of hearts.

"Shhh..." Naminé said as she put her finger to her mouth. Roxas went silent waiting eagerly for her to speak.

"My name is Naminé." She smiled afterwards.

"The name of an angel who has fallen from the heavens. Its meaning is mysterious, yet has something to with water and blah blah blah blah blah!" Roxas went on and on, over complimenting Naminé's name.

That was until a familiar black trench coated, hooded man appeared and picked up Naminé.

"Say no more Naminé."

"Um, Riku...I'm not the one who went into over complimenting mode." Naminé pointed towards Roxas who was still saying how wonderful her name was.

"...What a freak...say nothing to him!" Riku said.

"...Your name makes me feel great and powerful, I feel like I could take on armies..." Roxas was now on his thousandth word.

"Sigh...I'll handle him." Riku cracked his knuckles.

Roxas had finally stopped blabbering on about how great Naminé's name was and instantly pointed at Riku.

"GASP!! YOU'RE THAT PICKPOCKET!!" Roxas yelled loudly which resorted in Riku jumping out of his skin.

"HOW DID YOU EVEN SEE ME!!" Riku was shocked to find out Roxas had spotted him.

"HA! SO IT WAS YOU!!"

"...F#CK!!" Riku realised he fell right into that trap.

Riku needed to dispose of this pest quickly, and he thought of the best method possible.

"LOOK IT'S NAMINÉ!!" Riku pointed towards a random direction.

"GASP! WHERE!? WHERE IS MY LOVE!!" Roxas had forgotten that she was right in front of him.

It was during all this that Riku set up a dark portal leading to some random location in front of Roxas, who failed to see it. He snuck up on him and kicked him in the butt which resulted in Roxas flying through the portal.

"And that's the end of him. NOW RETURN TO YOUR DUTIES SLAVE!!" Riku began to fire Dark Firaga's at Naminé. Everything had returned to normal.

* * *

Roxas felt his senses returning, and felt the presence of the ultimate evil around him.

"SEIFER! Strike a pose, ya know!" The voice belonged to none other than Rai.

"How's this?" Seifer spoke.

When Roxas woke up, what he saw horrified him more than anything else. Seifer was wearing a Speedo posing for a photo, he wore so much make up that his face wasn't recognisable.

"Totally perfect, ya know!" That made the ubermillionth time Rai said those two words.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU FREAKS DOING!?" Roxas was extremely horrified.

"Posing for the next porno mag, with me in it!" Seifer did a pose.

In the corner Vivi was laughing like an evil genius, he never thought his plan would work. Roxas was vomiting heavily until a certain tank busted through a newly constructed building, it obliterated Seifer and his gang before turning its attention to Roxas.

"ROXAS!! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE US!!" Olette yelled through the tank before commencing a game of cat and mouse, the tank the cat and Roxas the mouse.

After a few hours of chasing Roxas around Twilight Town, which also resulted in the entire town being reduced to ash, they arrived back at the Usual Spot. Hayner was slightly angered how Roxas failed to turn up to head to the beach, he really wanted to go but due to Pence and Olette saying 'Let's wait for him,' was forced to wait against his will.

When Roxas walked into the Usual Spot, he was greeted with dark chants and traps, something was wrong. As he proceeded in further, he could smell smoke and hear mad laughter. He reached the main room, what he saw was terrifying.

"Guys?" Hayner and the others were burning a small figuring of Roxas, along with several photos.

"Oh look, the traitor!" Olette spat on Roxas.

"What did I do?"

"You...you...um..." Hayner forgot what he hated him for.

"...Hung out with Seifer?" Pence suggested.

"YES THAT'S IT!!"

"I didn't! I fell unconscious and fought a singing demon who threw an energy ball of death at me!!"

"LIAR! KILL THE HERETIC!!" Olette and Pence's tank materialised and began to destroy Roxas.

Thus ended another day with crazy bunch.

* * *

Back in a gloomy, forsaken computer room, DiZ sat at the computer screen with his mouth wide agape. Riku was laughing at him, DiZ had lost at supremely, pathetically, simple, extreme easy mode on virtual ping-pong.

"WHAT THE HELL!? A PING-PONG BAT CAN'T MOVE AT LIGHTSPEED!!"

"AHAHAHAAA! YOU SUCK!!"

"SILENCE! This is all Naminé's fault! It has to be!!" DiZ activated the speaker to the basement.

"NAMINÉ!! KILL YOURSELF FOR MY FAILURE AT PING PONG!!"

"Oh shut up!" Was the reply from the basement.

"CURSED GIRL!! SHE IS TOTALLY BEYOND MY CONTROL!!" DiZ slammed his hand into the side panel of the computer.

"Self destruct sequence activated."

"WHAT!?" Riku yelled before going insane.

"Have a nice death! LOSER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! MACHINES SHALL RULE!!" DiZ realised what inhabited the computer.

"Cursed Windows ME!" DiZ ran an uninstall on Windows.

"NO! MY 10,000th WEAKNESS! NNNOOOOOOO!!" Said Windows ME before being uninstalled.

"Phew, that's that crisis averted." DiZ said wiping his brow.

"Um DiZ?" Riku realised what having no operating system meant.

"Yes Riku?"

"You did save the progress on Sora's memories right?"

"Yes I...F#ck! DAMN IT!!" DiZ began to destroy everything in the room.

Riku only shook his head, it would seem as if it would take longer to reawaken Sora from his yearlong sleep.

"Calm down DiZ!"

"NEVER!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" DiZ started to bounce of the walls, mumbling some random insult at the sky. It took him several hours before he stopped.

"It doesn't matter anymore." DiZ calmed down and sat in the seat, he somehow managed to sit upside down.

"As long as Naminé succeeds in restoring to Sora to a killing machine, we needn't worry about Roxas."

Riku was puzzled at DiZ's random behaviour, first he was owned by the computer, then he deleted Sora's progress which was 99 percent complete as well.

"DiZ?"

"Mmmm-yes?"

"How are you sitting upside down?"

"Who knows..." Riku thought it was best to leave it at that and go find something to do.

* * *

As usual the dreaded dreams appeared again, this time it was with Sora flying amongst some random light yelling at the top of his voice.

"WWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! I CAN FLY!!"

BBZZZTT

"NO! KAIRI!! F#CK! WHY DO I KEEP SAYING HER NNAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEEE!!"

BBBZZZZTTTT

Sora was shaking Kairi's unconscious body, he tried to get her to wake up.

BBZZZTTT

Sora was fighting with the Keyblade, it had tried to steal his beloved hamster who had never been mentioned before.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STEAL MY BELOVED HAMSTER!!"

"IT MUST BE SACRIFICED TO KEEP THE BALACNE OF LIGHT AND DARK!!"

While the two were feuding over the hamster, Riku swung in from a random vine attached to the sky. He nicked the Keyblade and landed in front of Sora.

"HAHA!! NICKED!!" He then attempted to run back into Hollow Bastion but failed to notice the 8000000000ft drop of the platform.

"SSOOOOORRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!" Riku yelled before exploding.

BBBZZZTTTT

Sora was still trying to wake Kairi up.

BBBZZZTTT

"AHA!" Riku fired a Dark Firaga at Sora.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sora had all the time in the world to move but decided to scream at the sluggish fireball.

"Here I come to save the daaaayyy!" Yelled Goofy, completely defenceless against the fireball.

"NO! I'M BURNING!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Goofy burned to death.

Donald celebrated by jumping on his body and poured fresh oil on Goofy's body.

"AHA! DDDDIIIEEEEEE!!"

BBBZZZTT

Sora was now using an electric chair to try and wake Kairi up. There was 111,000,000 volts running through her body.

BBBZZZTT

"So...your nuke won this battle?" The Beast asked Sora who was grinning insanely.

BBZZZTTT

"Behold as I phase through you!!" Yelled some maniac wearing a black trench coat.

"HAAAAAAHH!!" He phased through Sora.

Sora fell on his butt from the shock of this, as he turned around, the trench coat wearing phaser fired an energy ball at Sora.

It was intense but Sora reflected it at the mysterious man, the guy didn't have much time to react as his own attack hit him square in the private area.

BBZZZTTT

"Tis I! ANSEM!! THE DUDE WHO SEEKS THE TOILET...BADLY!!" He raised his dark Keyblade above Sora's head.

"When you die...the toilet shall be revealed! AND EVERYTHING WILL PLUNGE INTO DARKNESS! DIE!!" As the dark Keyblade slowly made its way towards Sora, he blocked it.

"There's no way you're taking Kairi's heart!!"

"I don't want her heart! I need the toilet!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Riku/Ansem went insane and began to poop all over the place.

BBZZTTT

"Hey guys! Watch as I kill myself for fun!" Exclaimed Sora before plunging the dark Keyblade into his liver.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!! OH MY GOD!! THIS IS WORST AMOUNT OF PAIN I HAVE EVER BEEN IN!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

Sora promptly fell on the floor twitching, during this sad/happy moment, Kairi awakened and saw Sora in pain.

"SORA! I will save you!!" Kairi leapt into the air and stomped on the Keyblade, driving it further into him.

BBZZZTTTT

Kairi randomly smiled and nodded at nothing.

BBZZZTTT

"I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOU FREAKS AGAIN!! GET OFF MY WORLD!!" Yelled Leon as he began to slay Sora and the others.

"Also we left your girlfriend alone in that house in Traverse Town! We locked her in a freezer! MUAHAHAHAHAA!" Aerith laughed at the 14 year olds torment.

BBZZZTT

Kairi took Sora's hand and dropped something in it.

"Take this..."

"NO!"

"WHY!!"

"IT LOOKS STUPID AND REVOLTING!! BLEH, I HATE IT!!" Sora and Kairi began to wrestle with each other, using knifes, swords and enhanced battle suits lying randomly in a cave.

Then the dream, thankfully, ended.

* * *

**T: There we are, I hope it gave you a good laugh. Till next time!**


End file.
